Have you ever lost touch with people you truly cared about? Do you remember, or even know the reason for their continued absence in your life? Do memories of what you shared with them leave you with an aching in your chest? There are usually many reasons why we lose touch with people we have cared about or even loved. Sometimes harsh words and hurt feelings can keep us estranged from people for long periods of time. However, how long should we let an unfortunate experience keep us from reuniting with the people we care about and miss? To answer this question we could go off on a myriad of different avenues and break it down and analyze every single point, but to what end? I believe it comes down to three main factors personal choice, the severity of the incident that caused the estrangement, and the willingness of both parties to forgive each other for perceived wrong doing.
The choice we have is in how we react to a given situation. We all have a choice in everything. We choose how we react when we are happy, sad, angry, and scared. Sometimes it may seem like we do not have a choice in our reactions to certain situations in our lives, because we don't think and weigh outcomes and possibilities before we react. However, this is not true. We always have a choice in how we react to something, it's just seems that we do not have a choice because we have not practiced making these choices. We have not practiced stopping and thinking before responding to whatever situation has arisen.
For example, if a child is screaming at their parent or throwing a temper tantrum over something, what should the parent do to stop the behavior? If the parent can not stop themselves from screaming back at the child the child's behavior could get worse as a reaction to the returned screaming of the parent. It could result in harming the child's own self worth in sharing their problems with the parent, or scare the child making them wary of the parent screaming at them in return.
However, the parent who can take a step back, think, and perhaps even wait for the child to stop screaming before responding to their behavior, may have an easier time dealing with the child and also teaching the child to remain calm in situations as they get older. The child may also learn to have respect for a parent who respects the child and their feelings in return.
Therefore, learning to control our own behavior in certain situations to the point where it becomes natural to simply handle all situations in this manner could be beneficial to all relationships we wish to maintain permanently. Of course, this is not an easy task to accomplish, and takes time and effort to learn to change our bad habits and to develop new and improved behavior in all of our relationships. This being said, there are of course exceptions to every rule. Obviously in an emergency situation we can not always stop to evaluate our responses before we act, but by continued practice of patience, we may find ourselves better at handling emergency situations better as well as personal relationship situations.
The severity of the incident that helped to cause the estrangement in your relationships needs to be touched upon as well. The point should be made that in no way or under any circumstance is it allowable for a person to physically, mentally, or emotionally abuse another in any shape or form. While it is difficult for people to get out of these relationships, quite often we do tend to miss the good things in the relationship, but never should we return ourselves to that kind of situation. That being said, in reference to silly arguments and the inability to let go or admit wrong doing on our part of the estrangement in our relationships, it is usually better to let go of the argument in order to save the relationship with your loved one.
Personal choice and the severity of the incident are past things, and we can only focus on how we can make these changes within ourselves for future situations as a preventative measure. We now need to focus on forgiveness as a means to make amends with our loved ones. Many people view the act of forgiving as a sign of weakness or an admission of guilt. Forgiveness is neither of these things.
The definition of forgive is 1. to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, a debt, etc.); absolve 2.to give up all claim of; remit (a debt, an obligation, etc.) 3.to grant pardon to (a person) 4.to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies. 5. to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan.* The definition of forgiveness is simply the act of forgiving.* Forgiving someone is simply saying to the person, "What happened was unfortunate, but I can move on with our relationship. You are more important to me than the incident." That is it nothing more nothing less.
The act of forgiving others can also be a release of pent up emotion and rage. When we learn to forgive others we often feel a release of that rage and emotion. We most times feel like a weight has been lifted off of our shoulders. Forgiveness can be a very uplifting experience.
The last thing that goes hand in hand with all of the above issues is communication. That refers to being able to express ourselves in a healthy way verbally, and being able to actively listen to the other person in the relationship. We all need to work on good communication skills to avoid the problems in the future, as well as, being able to talk to the person you are forgiving or asking forgiveness from the person we may have wronged.
In summary, your relationship is often far more important than any issues that may arise. It is time to move on and get back to learning to be friends again. So, go to the person and forgive them or ask them for forgiveness, practice makes perfect so get to it. Oh, and if the reason you are missing someone is simply because you lost touch with them then for crying out loud, find them and get back in touch with them soon. Life may be shorter than you think. Don't waste time.
*dictionary.com for definitions
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Friday, December 7, 2012
Alum Creek Fantasy of Lights
The Fantasy of Lights is a fantastic tradition of holiday lights in motion put on every year by Alum Creek state park. My children and I enjoy our time here every year. This year was no exception.
The lights seem to dance to the holiday music we play on the radio as we slowly drive our Jeep through this beautiful display. The joy on my boys faces as they point out the little tufts of smoke coming out of the chimney of a house of lights the best part of the night for me. Watching as they discover lights really can dance, and ginger bread men can somersault over the road. Reindeer bobsled down a hill and Santa successfully glides off the ski jump. Magic truly exists here in the eyes of my children.
After enjoying the display of twinkling merriment we made our way into Santa's Shop for hot chocolate and a cookie. A visit with Santa and a picture to commemorate the evening left my boys with high hopes for their Christmas wishes. We purchased some adorable ornaments at a reasonable price and enjoyed looking at all of the holiday gifts the shop had for sale. We topped off the night with an ice cream treat and my youngest fell asleep on the way home. A perfect family night with memories that will last a lifetime.
The lights seem to dance to the holiday music we play on the radio as we slowly drive our Jeep through this beautiful display. The joy on my boys faces as they point out the little tufts of smoke coming out of the chimney of a house of lights the best part of the night for me. Watching as they discover lights really can dance, and ginger bread men can somersault over the road. Reindeer bobsled down a hill and Santa successfully glides off the ski jump. Magic truly exists here in the eyes of my children.
After enjoying the display of twinkling merriment we made our way into Santa's Shop for hot chocolate and a cookie. A visit with Santa and a picture to commemorate the evening left my boys with high hopes for their Christmas wishes. We purchased some adorable ornaments at a reasonable price and enjoyed looking at all of the holiday gifts the shop had for sale. We topped off the night with an ice cream treat and my youngest fell asleep on the way home. A perfect family night with memories that will last a lifetime.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Christmas on the Square
Every year in Sunbury, Ohio the town puts together a magical night of fun. Christmas on the Square is a celebration of everything that is wonderful about the holiday season. There are lights on every lamp post and people singing carols. A parade led by the High School Marching Band followed by everything from cheerleaders and puppies dressed in holiday fare to the Grinch and Mr. Scrooge. Children lean into the street as far as their parents will allow trying to catch the first glimpse of St. Nick and his elves as they make their wondrous appearance upon the grandest float of them all at the end of the parade.
Afterwards, enjoy complimentary hot chocolate, coffee, cookies, and other treats provided by a few of the local churches. Take time to grab a quick bite from one of the vendors, or perhaps sit down in one of the restaurants around the square. Take home the salty sweet goodness of fresh kettle corn, or enjoy it as you walk around the square taking in the ambiance of the different shop windows holiday displays.
A horse drawn carriage of white and gold will take passengers for a ride around the square adorned for the holidays with lights, wreaths, bows, and garland. The town hall in the center of the square is home to a craft and gift show that will please even the most savvy of shoppers. Then stay for the lighting of the Christmas tree complete with a toy train at the base of the tree.
Christmas on the square is a special treat for every one to enjoy. Each year the residents of Sunbury look forward to an evening filled with fun activities. Then we all go home tired and happy as we contemplate what next years celebration will bring.
Afterwards, enjoy complimentary hot chocolate, coffee, cookies, and other treats provided by a few of the local churches. Take time to grab a quick bite from one of the vendors, or perhaps sit down in one of the restaurants around the square. Take home the salty sweet goodness of fresh kettle corn, or enjoy it as you walk around the square taking in the ambiance of the different shop windows holiday displays.
A horse drawn carriage of white and gold will take passengers for a ride around the square adorned for the holidays with lights, wreaths, bows, and garland. The town hall in the center of the square is home to a craft and gift show that will please even the most savvy of shoppers. Then stay for the lighting of the Christmas tree complete with a toy train at the base of the tree.
Christmas on the square is a special treat for every one to enjoy. Each year the residents of Sunbury look forward to an evening filled with fun activities. Then we all go home tired and happy as we contemplate what next years celebration will bring.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
All Children are Beautiful.
There are not many people, if any, who would deny this statement as being true. There are so many children in the world to love, each one unique, each one special, each one needing love. Even as they grow and start to gain their own personalities, they are still beautiful. Every one in this world is someone's child.
I often sit and watch people as they go about their lives ignoring each other. Gone are the days when everyone you smiled at or said hello to you return the same kindness or greeting to you. We have lost that kindness. So, simple to give a smile, does not take much effort at all to say hello to a stranger. We never know who's day could be brightened by those simple words or a small gesture.
So, I am taking a stand. I refuse to be like every one else. I will say hello and smile at every person I see. I will have nice words to share with everyone I see, and every person I meet. I will continue to love my neighbors, and be there to lend a hand when I am able to do so. I will love all the children in this world. I will always choose to see beauty in every one and everything.
Thank you, God for giving me the gift of love and acceptance for all people in this world. I am truly blessed to be living this life.
I often sit and watch people as they go about their lives ignoring each other. Gone are the days when everyone you smiled at or said hello to you return the same kindness or greeting to you. We have lost that kindness. So, simple to give a smile, does not take much effort at all to say hello to a stranger. We never know who's day could be brightened by those simple words or a small gesture.
So, I am taking a stand. I refuse to be like every one else. I will say hello and smile at every person I see. I will have nice words to share with everyone I see, and every person I meet. I will continue to love my neighbors, and be there to lend a hand when I am able to do so. I will love all the children in this world. I will always choose to see beauty in every one and everything.
Thank you, God for giving me the gift of love and acceptance for all people in this world. I am truly blessed to be living this life.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Trafficked
Small, scared, alone.
Where is my mama?
Small, scared, alone.
Where am I?
Small, scared, alone.
My head hurts.
Small, scared, alone.
I can not remember.
Small, scared, alone.
Cold, musty walls.
Small, scared, alone.
A smelly cot.
Small scared, alone.
A bare light bulb.
Small, scared, alone.
An opening door.
Small, scared, alone.
A stranger walks in.
Small, scared, surprised.
Forced from this room.
Small, scared, worried.
Slapped for my question.
Small, scared, hurt.
A new red dress.
Small, scared, worried.
A bunch of strange men.
Small, scared, hopeful.
Is there a friendly face?
Small, scared, waiting.
A room with a big bed.
Small, scared, waiting.
Thrown on the bed.
Small, scared, worried.
Naked man crushing.
Small, scared, fighting.
Slapped around, bloody face.
Small, scared, crying.
Searing pain, private places.
Small, scared, agony.
Left alone on bed.
Small, scared, crying.
Another John on the bed.
Small, scared, angry.
Raped again, fifth time tonight.
Small, scared, broken.
A month gone by.
Small, broken, shamed.
No dream left in mind.
Small, broken, shamed.
Childhood gone, no longer a person.
Small, broken, shamed.
No hope for a child stolen.
Where is my mama?
Small, scared, alone.
Where am I?
Small, scared, alone.
My head hurts.
Small, scared, alone.
I can not remember.
Small, scared, alone.
Cold, musty walls.
Small, scared, alone.
A smelly cot.
Small scared, alone.
A bare light bulb.
Small, scared, alone.
An opening door.
Small, scared, alone.
A stranger walks in.
Small, scared, surprised.
Forced from this room.
Small, scared, worried.
Slapped for my question.
Small, scared, hurt.
A new red dress.
Small, scared, worried.
A bunch of strange men.
Small, scared, hopeful.
Is there a friendly face?
Small, scared, waiting.
A room with a big bed.
Small, scared, waiting.
Thrown on the bed.
Small, scared, worried.
Naked man crushing.
Small, scared, fighting.
Slapped around, bloody face.
Small, scared, crying.
Searing pain, private places.
Small, scared, agony.
Left alone on bed.
Small, scared, crying.
Another John on the bed.
Small, scared, angry.
Raped again, fifth time tonight.
Small, scared, broken.
A month gone by.
Small, broken, shamed.
No dream left in mind.
Small, broken, shamed.
Childhood gone, no longer a person.
Small, broken, shamed.
No hope for a child stolen.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Who couldn't stop laughing?
Having five sisters can be challenging at times. Trying to hide your stuff so that it is there when you need it, or sharing a bathroom. We always had lots of fights about numerous things over the years. Most of those things I can hardly remember.
Five sisters can also be lots of fun. I can remember times when my sisters and I would laugh so hard. Always at night, of course. My mom would put us to bed and turn off our lights. Then when her footsteps would fade we would share secrets and talk about things. Within minutes we would be in stitches. Holding our aching stomachs, and still trying to remain quiet, without success. Within minutes my mom would yell down the hall. "That's enough in there! Go to sleep!" We could not stop though, and her yelling just made us laugh harder.
Sometimes we could hold it down long enough for mom to go back to whatever she was doing. However, in ten minutes time we would be howling with laughter again. Then mom would come pounding down the hall, throw open the door, and demand to know what was so funny that we could not sleep. We could never stop laughing long enough to tell her, and we would just lay in our beds and try to stop laughing, because she was so mad, and really things should not have been humorous any longer. We were too close to being punished for anything to still be funny, but we could not stop laughing.
Looking back on these memories now, I smile. I now realize that there were times when it was all my mom could do not to join us in our laughter. We should have been in bed, and it was her job as our mom to make certain we got our rest for school the next day. I wonder how long we would have continued to laugh if mom had not done her job and joined us in our laughter?
I can not remember all the things we laughed over, or what exactly made us go into those fits of giggles. The memories of laughing with each other we hold close to our hearts now, and those precious moments will remain in our hearts forever. A time when the fighting stopped and we were friends, confidants, sisters.
Five sisters can also be lots of fun. I can remember times when my sisters and I would laugh so hard. Always at night, of course. My mom would put us to bed and turn off our lights. Then when her footsteps would fade we would share secrets and talk about things. Within minutes we would be in stitches. Holding our aching stomachs, and still trying to remain quiet, without success. Within minutes my mom would yell down the hall. "That's enough in there! Go to sleep!" We could not stop though, and her yelling just made us laugh harder.
Sometimes we could hold it down long enough for mom to go back to whatever she was doing. However, in ten minutes time we would be howling with laughter again. Then mom would come pounding down the hall, throw open the door, and demand to know what was so funny that we could not sleep. We could never stop laughing long enough to tell her, and we would just lay in our beds and try to stop laughing, because she was so mad, and really things should not have been humorous any longer. We were too close to being punished for anything to still be funny, but we could not stop laughing.
Looking back on these memories now, I smile. I now realize that there were times when it was all my mom could do not to join us in our laughter. We should have been in bed, and it was her job as our mom to make certain we got our rest for school the next day. I wonder how long we would have continued to laugh if mom had not done her job and joined us in our laughter?
I can not remember all the things we laughed over, or what exactly made us go into those fits of giggles. The memories of laughing with each other we hold close to our hearts now, and those precious moments will remain in our hearts forever. A time when the fighting stopped and we were friends, confidants, sisters.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Finally Making Headway
Caleb has started his own blog and is reporting funny news stories that he has made up. I hope you all can log onto his blog and support him in this endeavor. https://thewishfulnews.blogspot.com
We had a meeting about some of the things we have been doing to help Caleb. He is now in respite care on the weekends, and he is learning slowly, but surely. I would love to say we are not having any episodes, but as anyone who has a child with these issues knows, fewer episodes feel like just as big a win.
We are getting so much help from Children Services and I encourage anyone out there looking for help with their son to give them a call. Let them know what is happening. Violence in our children is not acceptable, and there is help out there. I am still fighting to keep my son from ruining his future. It has not been an easy road, and I am far from being out of the woods, but at last I can see a light in our darkness. Sometimes clouds get in the way, and I lose sight of that light, but when those clouds move out of the way, the light is still there ever steady and never changing.
We had a meeting about some of the things we have been doing to help Caleb. He is now in respite care on the weekends, and he is learning slowly, but surely. I would love to say we are not having any episodes, but as anyone who has a child with these issues knows, fewer episodes feel like just as big a win.
We are getting so much help from Children Services and I encourage anyone out there looking for help with their son to give them a call. Let them know what is happening. Violence in our children is not acceptable, and there is help out there. I am still fighting to keep my son from ruining his future. It has not been an easy road, and I am far from being out of the woods, but at last I can see a light in our darkness. Sometimes clouds get in the way, and I lose sight of that light, but when those clouds move out of the way, the light is still there ever steady and never changing.