Lost Friends

Have you ever lost touch with people you truly cared about? Do you remember, or even know the reason for their continued absence in your life? Do memories of what you shared with them leave you with an aching in your chest? There are usually many reasons why we lose touch with people we have cared about or even loved. Sometimes harsh words and hurt feelings can keep us estranged from people for long periods of time. However, how long should we let an unfortunate experience keep us from reuniting with the people we care about and miss? To answer this question we could go off on a myriad of different avenues and break it down and analyze every single point, but to what end? I believe it comes down to three main factors personal choice, the severity of the incident that caused the estrangement, and the willingness of both parties to forgive each other for perceived wrong doing.

The choice we have is in how we react to a given situation. We all have a choice in everything. We choose how we react when we are happy, sad, angry, and scared. Sometimes it may seem like we do not have a choice in our reactions to certain situations in our lives, because we don't think and weigh outcomes and possibilities before we react. However, this is not true. We always have a choice in how we react to something, it's just seems that we do not have a choice because we have not practiced making these choices. We have not practiced stopping and thinking before responding to whatever situation has arisen.

For example, if a child is screaming at their parent or throwing a temper tantrum over something, what should the parent do to stop the behavior? If the parent can not stop themselves from screaming back at the child the child's behavior could get worse as a reaction to the returned screaming of the parent. It could result in harming the child's own self worth in sharing their problems with the parent, or scare the child making them wary of the parent screaming at them in return.

However, the parent who can take a step back, think, and perhaps even wait for the child to stop screaming before responding to their behavior, may have an easier time dealing with the child and also teaching the child to remain calm in situations as they get older. The child may also learn to have respect for a parent who respects the child and their feelings in return.

Therefore, learning to control our own behavior in certain situations to the point where it becomes natural to simply handle all situations in this manner could be beneficial to all relationships we wish to maintain permanently. Of course, this is not an easy task to accomplish, and takes time and effort to learn to change our bad habits and to develop new and improved behavior in all of our relationships. This being said, there are of course exceptions to every rule. Obviously in an emergency situation we can not always stop to evaluate our responses before we act, but by continued practice of patience, we may find ourselves better at handling emergency situations better as well as personal relationship situations.

The severity of the incident that helped to cause the estrangement in your relationships needs to be touched upon as well. The point should be made that in no way or under any circumstance is it allowable for a person to physically, mentally, or emotionally abuse another in any shape or form. While it is difficult for people to get out of these relationships, quite often we do tend to miss the good things in the relationship, but never should we return ourselves to that kind of situation. That being said, in reference to silly arguments and the inability to let go or admit wrong doing on our part of the estrangement in our relationships, it is usually better to let go of the argument in order to save the relationship with your loved one.

Personal choice and the severity of the incident are past things, and we can only focus on how we can make these changes within ourselves for future situations as a preventative measure. We now need to focus on forgiveness as a means to make amends with our loved ones. Many people view the act of forgiving as a sign of weakness or an admission of guilt. Forgiveness is neither of these things.

The definition of forgive is 1. to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, a debt, etc.); absolve 2.to give up all claim of; remit (a debt, an obligation, etc.) 3.to grant pardon to (a person) 4.to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies. 5. to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan.* The definition of forgiveness is simply the act of forgiving.* Forgiving someone is simply saying to the person, "What happened was unfortunate, but I can move on with our relationship. You are more important to me than the incident." That is it nothing more nothing less.

The act of forgiving others can also be a release of pent up emotion and rage. When we learn to forgive others we often feel a release of that rage and emotion. We most times feel like a weight has been lifted off of our shoulders. Forgiveness can be a very uplifting experience.

The last thing that goes hand in hand with all of the above issues is communication. That refers to being able to express ourselves in a healthy way verbally, and being able to actively listen to the other person in the relationship. We all need to work on good communication skills to avoid the problems in the future, as well as, being able to talk to the person you are forgiving or asking forgiveness from the person we may have wronged.

In summary, your relationship is often far more important than any issues that may arise. It is time to move on and get back to learning to be friends again. So, go to the person and forgive them or ask them for forgiveness, practice makes perfect so get to it. Oh, and if the reason you are missing someone is simply because you lost touch with them then for crying out loud, find them and get back in touch with them soon. Life may be shorter than you think. Don't waste time. *dictionary.com for definitions