Small, scared, alone.
Where is my mama?
Small, scared, alone.
Where am I?
Small, scared, alone.
My head hurts.
Small, scared, alone.
I can not remember.
Small, scared, alone.
Cold, musty walls.
Small, scared, alone.
A smelly cot.
Small scared, alone.
A bare light bulb.
Small, scared, alone.
An opening door.
Small, scared, alone.
A stranger walks in.
Small, scared, surprised.
Forced from this room.
Small, scared, worried.
Slapped for my question.
Small, scared, hurt.
A new red dress.
Small, scared, worried.
A bunch of strange men.
Small, scared, hopeful.
Is there a friendly face?
Small, scared, waiting.
A room with a big bed.
Small, scared, waiting.
Thrown on the bed.
Small, scared, worried.
Naked man crushing.
Small, scared, fighting.
Slapped around, bloody face.
Small, scared, crying.
Searing pain, private places.
Small, scared, agony.
Left alone on bed.
Small, scared, crying.
Another John on the bed.
Small, scared, angry.
Raped again, fifth time tonight.
Small, scared, broken.
A month gone by.
Small, broken, shamed.
No dream left in mind.
Small, broken, shamed.
Childhood gone, no longer a person.
Small, broken, shamed.
No hope for a child stolen.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Who couldn't stop laughing?
Having five sisters can be challenging at times. Trying to hide your stuff so that it is there when you need it, or sharing a bathroom. We always had lots of fights about numerous things over the years. Most of those things I can hardly remember.
Five sisters can also be lots of fun. I can remember times when my sisters and I would laugh so hard. Always at night, of course. My mom would put us to bed and turn off our lights. Then when her footsteps would fade we would share secrets and talk about things. Within minutes we would be in stitches. Holding our aching stomachs, and still trying to remain quiet, without success. Within minutes my mom would yell down the hall. "That's enough in there! Go to sleep!" We could not stop though, and her yelling just made us laugh harder.
Sometimes we could hold it down long enough for mom to go back to whatever she was doing. However, in ten minutes time we would be howling with laughter again. Then mom would come pounding down the hall, throw open the door, and demand to know what was so funny that we could not sleep. We could never stop laughing long enough to tell her, and we would just lay in our beds and try to stop laughing, because she was so mad, and really things should not have been humorous any longer. We were too close to being punished for anything to still be funny, but we could not stop laughing.
Looking back on these memories now, I smile. I now realize that there were times when it was all my mom could do not to join us in our laughter. We should have been in bed, and it was her job as our mom to make certain we got our rest for school the next day. I wonder how long we would have continued to laugh if mom had not done her job and joined us in our laughter?
I can not remember all the things we laughed over, or what exactly made us go into those fits of giggles. The memories of laughing with each other we hold close to our hearts now, and those precious moments will remain in our hearts forever. A time when the fighting stopped and we were friends, confidants, sisters.
Five sisters can also be lots of fun. I can remember times when my sisters and I would laugh so hard. Always at night, of course. My mom would put us to bed and turn off our lights. Then when her footsteps would fade we would share secrets and talk about things. Within minutes we would be in stitches. Holding our aching stomachs, and still trying to remain quiet, without success. Within minutes my mom would yell down the hall. "That's enough in there! Go to sleep!" We could not stop though, and her yelling just made us laugh harder.
Sometimes we could hold it down long enough for mom to go back to whatever she was doing. However, in ten minutes time we would be howling with laughter again. Then mom would come pounding down the hall, throw open the door, and demand to know what was so funny that we could not sleep. We could never stop laughing long enough to tell her, and we would just lay in our beds and try to stop laughing, because she was so mad, and really things should not have been humorous any longer. We were too close to being punished for anything to still be funny, but we could not stop laughing.
Looking back on these memories now, I smile. I now realize that there were times when it was all my mom could do not to join us in our laughter. We should have been in bed, and it was her job as our mom to make certain we got our rest for school the next day. I wonder how long we would have continued to laugh if mom had not done her job and joined us in our laughter?
I can not remember all the things we laughed over, or what exactly made us go into those fits of giggles. The memories of laughing with each other we hold close to our hearts now, and those precious moments will remain in our hearts forever. A time when the fighting stopped and we were friends, confidants, sisters.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Finally Making Headway
Caleb has started his own blog and is reporting funny news stories that he has made up. I hope you all can log onto his blog and support him in this endeavor. https://thewishfulnews.blogspot.com
We had a meeting about some of the things we have been doing to help Caleb. He is now in respite care on the weekends, and he is learning slowly, but surely. I would love to say we are not having any episodes, but as anyone who has a child with these issues knows, fewer episodes feel like just as big a win.
We are getting so much help from Children Services and I encourage anyone out there looking for help with their son to give them a call. Let them know what is happening. Violence in our children is not acceptable, and there is help out there. I am still fighting to keep my son from ruining his future. It has not been an easy road, and I am far from being out of the woods, but at last I can see a light in our darkness. Sometimes clouds get in the way, and I lose sight of that light, but when those clouds move out of the way, the light is still there ever steady and never changing.
We had a meeting about some of the things we have been doing to help Caleb. He is now in respite care on the weekends, and he is learning slowly, but surely. I would love to say we are not having any episodes, but as anyone who has a child with these issues knows, fewer episodes feel like just as big a win.
We are getting so much help from Children Services and I encourage anyone out there looking for help with their son to give them a call. Let them know what is happening. Violence in our children is not acceptable, and there is help out there. I am still fighting to keep my son from ruining his future. It has not been an easy road, and I am far from being out of the woods, but at last I can see a light in our darkness. Sometimes clouds get in the way, and I lose sight of that light, but when those clouds move out of the way, the light is still there ever steady and never changing.
Friday, September 2, 2011
A Place for Caleb
Last night we went to a stable where they specialize in thearpy with horses. I pray that this will give Caleb something positive to focus on. He did not seem that excited about it last night, but that is often the case with new places and new things. It seems to take him a while to warm up to the idea of change. I worry about his future. We all know how often things can change without any warning at all. How would Caleb be able to handle himself in that kind of a situation?
All of this is so new for me. I always knew Caleb was special and different from other children, but I always thought he would grow out of it. I never really understood that this is something he will have to deal with his entire life.
God blessed me with these two wonderful children to take care of. Aidan with his cerebral palsy and anxiety, and Caleb with his issues. I know God does not make mistakes, and that I am strong enough to help both of these beautiful boys. Now would be nice if my head would believe what my heart already knows.
All of this is so new for me. I always knew Caleb was special and different from other children, but I always thought he would grow out of it. I never really understood that this is something he will have to deal with his entire life.
God blessed me with these two wonderful children to take care of. Aidan with his cerebral palsy and anxiety, and Caleb with his issues. I know God does not make mistakes, and that I am strong enough to help both of these beautiful boys. Now would be nice if my head would believe what my heart already knows.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Back to the drawing board
It has been ages since I have written anything on this. My life seems to have been throwing me curve balls lately. What are you supposed to do when you can't get away from the abuse in your life? Feeling trapped all of the time, and never really knowing where to turn next. My children have seemed to take over my life completely and my writing has had to take a backseat to the rest of my life this past summer.
However, I am happy to report that I am back at the drawing board getting ready to write again. The kids are safe in school and it will give me a few hours to get something accomplished for a change.
Did not realize how much I have lost touch with this story line. I remember where I was going with it, but not the how to get there. Wish me luck and please keep us in your prayers. Lord knows we could use the help.
However, I am happy to report that I am back at the drawing board getting ready to write again. The kids are safe in school and it will give me a few hours to get something accomplished for a change.
Did not realize how much I have lost touch with this story line. I remember where I was going with it, but not the how to get there. Wish me luck and please keep us in your prayers. Lord knows we could use the help.
Friday, June 4, 2010
I Want Your Love
The fights we didn't have to share.
You really can't blame me for leaving you,
I was tired of feeling lonely and unloved.
All needed was your gentle touch.
Why can't you love me the way I love you?
That would be a dream come true.
Why does this pain have to hurt so much?
All I want is your love.
Amazing as it all may seem.
My patience wears thin eventually.
As time goes on my heart will heal.
But never will I forget you.
Why can't you love me the way I love you?
That would be a dream come true.
Why does this pain have to hurt so much?
All I want is your love.
And one day I will look back and wonder,
What I saw in you.
And you'll look back and wonder,
What might have been?
What might have been?
Why can't you love me the way I love you?
That would be a dream come true.
Why does this pain have to hurt so much?
All I want is your love.
You really can't blame me for leaving you,
I was tired of feeling lonely and unloved.
All needed was your gentle touch.
Why can't you love me the way I love you?
That would be a dream come true.
Why does this pain have to hurt so much?
All I want is your love.
Amazing as it all may seem.
My patience wears thin eventually.
As time goes on my heart will heal.
But never will I forget you.
Why can't you love me the way I love you?
That would be a dream come true.
Why does this pain have to hurt so much?
All I want is your love.
And one day I will look back and wonder,
What I saw in you.
And you'll look back and wonder,
What might have been?
What might have been?
Why can't you love me the way I love you?
That would be a dream come true.
Why does this pain have to hurt so much?
All I want is your love.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
One Chance
A blush, a sigh, your touch, our kiss.
I don't want to stop feeling like this.
A thought, a wink, this moment in time.
Oh Dear God, what is this sign?
Miles apart, this connection won't be broken.
My heart is just one small token,
Of a love that could last forever.
This tie between us won't be severed.
I will wait for you beyond forever.
For just one chance to be together.
I don't want to stop feeling like this.
A thought, a wink, this moment in time.
Oh Dear God, what is this sign?
Miles apart, this connection won't be broken.
My heart is just one small token,
Of a love that could last forever.
This tie between us won't be severed.
I will wait for you beyond forever.
For just one chance to be together.